CAN ONE PERSON ENJOY TWO CONGREGATIONS?

A few months ago a friend told me, "I feel guilty sometimes. I belonged to one well-known congregation for many years and recently I've been attending events and getting to know people at a different congregation that is much more warm and welcoming. Am I the Jewish equivalent of a Carolina politician (maybe John Edwards or Mark Sanford)? Or is it o.k. to enjoy two different communities?"

My initial reaction was to admit to my friend that I've been in the same situation several times myself. Even though I've been monogamous with my beloved wife Linda for over 30 years, I've enjoyed learning from several different congregations and teachers (sometimes as a full member and sometimes as a visitor paying a la carte). In addition, there were many years when my wife and I joined one congregation for our adult spiritual needs while belonging (at a reduced rate) to a second congregation for our son's educational needs.

What about you?

In the bountiful spiritual buffet of greater Los Angeles, should it be considered an act of disloyalty or an act of spiritual integrity to enjoy the diverse offerings of more than one congregation during the same time period?

To explore this question, I interviewed several women and men from the relatively new congregation, Ahavat Torah in Brentwood/Westwood, where I've been a member since 2004. I wanted to ask specific individuals (who sometimes say in more than one venue, "Mah tovu, how good are your dwelling places") to let them clarify why they do what they do. Their names and identifying details have been kept confidential. But you might find their insights and experiences helpful as we each explore our own journey for finding wholeness, wisdom, community, warmth, support, and Jewish aliveness in this diverse City of Angels.

Here is what I discovered from these interviews:

A FEELING OF 'HOME' AWAY FROM HOME

Several people told me they consider Ahavat Torah to be their "home congregation" while another community feels like "the congregation where I have a historical connection, but it doesn't feel as warm and welcoming now."

For instance, one woman admitted, "I was active at a particular congregation for many years and even got involved in the Sisterhood and other committees. Yet it didn't satisfy my developing needs of more intimate settings for study, prayer, and social action. So I began to consider Ahavat Torah my home because I have felt far more warmth there for my particular experiences, ideas, and personal needs. I can express my more spiritual and creative sides at Ahavat Torah and there's freedom to think 'outside the box' in this open-minded community, much more than at my other congregation."

Another woman suggested, "I had always felt like an outsider in a few particular large temples where there was so much pressure to look fancy and compete for status. But then a few years ago I found out it's possible to build a new kind of community that is more about honoring each person's unique soul and creative gifts. I finally feel like I've found a place that is 'home' now whenever I show up and join in with the passionate singing and the genuine conversations with people who truly care."

JUGGLING MORE THAN ONE FEE

Another man told me, "I grew up at a very prominent congregation where for many years I didn't enjoy much of what was going on, but it was my familiar and slightly-dysfunctional community nonetheless. I still have a bit of an allegiance to that congregation and so I pay an associate member fee to them. Then I began to connect with the way Gary Levine leads the services at Ahavat Torah with so much enthusiasm and joy. And I love the fact that Rabbi Miriam Hamrell and each of the other teachers are so inclusive and open in making the Torah portions extremely relevant and interesting. I decided to join their smaller congregation as a full member because Ahavat Torah dues are relatively inexpensive and my involvement with them consistently helps me to connect with Jewish insights and celebrations in a much more heartful way than I've ever done before."

Another woman explained, "I still meet with a monthly study group from another community and I pay an associate membership fee to that synagogue as a way to support the rabbi and her work. But Ahavat Torah is my home synagogue because of Gary's music and Rabbi Miriam being such a model of compassion, kindness and support to so many members. Plus I love the Social Action projects we do at Ahavat Torah and how the salons and classes and cultural events enrich my life."

IT'S ABOUT WARMTH AND BEING APPRECIATED FOR WHO YOU ARE

One woman who has sampled several local congregations commented, "The love, support, friendships, and creativity of the people I meet at Ahavat Torah have made me far more involved here than at the other places where I sometimes go for a specific event or lecture. Plus the fact that we as a congregation have designed our own easy-to-follow prayer book that makes it a lot more enjoyable to participate in Saturday morning services. More than anything, I feel a sense of family here."

I also interviewed a married couple at Ahavat Torah who attend lectures, music and cultural events at various temples throughout Los Angeles County. Yet they pay dues just at one congregation, Ahavat Torah, as they explained, "We love being part of a diverse and interesting Jewish community in Los Angeles, but we feel there's only one place where the warmth and genuine friendships occurred most easily. It's about much more than stimulation for the mind; it's about finding a group of people who respect the diversity of each individual soul."

One other woman admitted, "My parents were anti-religious so I didn't grow up attending Jewish services. Much of my adult life was involved in interfaith groups. But at Ahavat Torah I felt welcomed and included from the start, probably because it is such a grounded, functional, caring community. I very quickly started to feel a sense of being seen and appreciated for the unique person that I am. So I began to focus on doing more at Ahavat Torah and cutting back somewhat on my other spiritual involvements. Yet I have never felt judged or pressured at Ahavat Torah while I gradually decided to become a full member."

IS IT GEOGRAPHIC OR SOMETHING MORE PERSONAL?

I only found one man who had felt judged or criticized for participating in two different congregations. He told me, "I used to attend services sometimes at a place that was very near to where I live. But I rarely felt a personal connection to the Rabbi or the big machers who were always telling people what to do. So then I began to look at other congregations and when I returned one week to my neighborhood synagogue there were a few people who treated me like I'd done something disloyal or immoral. That was the week I decided to keep going the extra miles and become more involved with Ahavat Torah. The Rabbi, the Cantor, the board members, and the many volunteers each have a strong sense of openness and warmth that make it meaningful and enriching each time I come to an event. What a relief to find a congregation that is supportive and inclusive for every type of individual, whether you have money or not, whether you have a lot of Jewish experience or not, and whether you are a big macher or a humble and gentle soul."

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For more information about Ahavat Torah Congregation: One Torah, One People, Many Teachers, you can visit http://www.ahavattorahcongregation.org/ or read the personal weblog articles at http://www.creatingsacredcommunity.blogspot.com/.

Lively, inspiring, and interactive Shabbat services are held each Saturday morning at 10 am at 343 Church Lane in Brentwood, 2 blocks west of Sepulveda, 1 block west of the 405 Freeway, between Sunset Blvd and Montana Avenue.

Prior to the Shabbat services, everyone is welcome at a Mussar ethics class that meets from 9-10am in the Fireside Room adjacent to the Sanctuary.

After services, there is a dairy pot-luck lunch buffet that is free and welcome to all.

To get on the email list to receive weekly announcements of classes, events, holiday celebrations, salon discussion groups, music events, book groups, social action projects, and other ways of connecting, please send your address to Dr. Julie at jgmmd@roadrunner.com.

NOT YOUR ZAYDE'S SEDER

(Translation note: A "Zayde" is a grandpa)

Every Spring for several thousand years an event takes place in small intimate groups around the world that stirs up trouble for the status quo and awakens the rebelliousness and compassion of many good people. It's called a Passover Seder and numerous social scientists consider it the most effective and enduring grass roots organizing event in human history. (Primarily because each year millions of small clusters of women and men gather to talk about what it means to be oppressed, what it takes to be free, and how to bring more empathy and courage into the world. In fact, many social change activists--both Jewish and non-Jewish--admit they got a crucial dose of their inspiration at Passover Seders).

Unfortunately, some people have never been to an inspiring Seder. They've only been to the boring kind where an inflexible patriarch goes on for 4 or 5 hours with little or no participation. Ironically, the essence of the Seder is to let each person (believer, skeptic, religious, or non-religious) ask questions and wrestle with the profound ideas for how to break out of our human mitzrayim (a Hebrew word that means not only Egypt but also can mean narrowness, constriction, enslavements, addictions, aggravations, confinements). Yet many Seders around the world have nice silverware and china, but are closer in leadership style to Pharaoh's hard-heartedness rather than the rebellious and compassionate style of Moses, Aaron, or Miriam, and the midwives who risked their own freedom by breaking the law and saving the condemned babies.

ASSESSING YOUR OWN SEDER HISTORY

In your own life thus far, have you ever been to a Passover Seder that truly inspired you and opened up your heart for doing good in the world? Have you ever heard the ancient story of personal and group liberation told in a way that empowered you to break out of some old ruts?

I remember as a child enjoying the foods at my beloved grandpa's Seder each year. It was wonderful to see how passionately he conducted the Seder and I especially loved the Hillel sandwich that combines matzoh, horseradish, chopped walnuts, apples and wine to remind us of the bitterness of slavery and the sweetness of freedom. Plus the half moon shaped jelly desserts in bright colors from Manischewitz that my sister and I split equally--she liked the yellow and green ones, I liked the orange and red ones.

I didn't fully realize, though, until age 16 that my beloved Zayde's Seder, conducted entirely by my very traditional grandpa from the old country for almost 5 hours with no questions allowed, was missing something. Only at age 16 did I find out from a close friend that the Seder was not intended to be a passive experience of listening to one's grandpa explain everything in a language no one at the table could understand. Rather, it's about asking questions, discussing various viewpoints, and honoring that each person has a unique and different way of understanding the struggle for freedom and integrity.

Ever since age 16, I've made sure each year to attend at least one creative Seder during the week of Passover meals to explore different ways of understanding God's assistance and the human search for the courage to break out of our enslavements. Some of these creative Seders were focused on rethinking gender roles and equal rights for women. Other Seders were focused on liberation and equal rights for African-Americans. One year I attended a Seder where there were Israelis, Palestinians, hawks, and doves praying together for peace and mutual respect. Another Seder was about the enslavements of our addictions and self-damaging habits with discussions of the crucial steps toward genuine freedom.

A UNIQUE GATHERING ON APRIL 3RD

This year there will be an original, creative and inspiring Seder at Ahavat Torah Congregation in Brentwood. The ancient story of moving out of narrowness and enslavements will be told with modern applications to our personal lives and our world today. There will be participation from each person in the room as well as Rabbi Miriam Hamrell of Ahavat Torah Congregation, Reverend Doctor Janet Bregar of Village Lutheran Church, and Karima Kylberg of Mussallah Tauhid.

The 2010 Ahavat Torah Seder is entitled "Three Communities Celebrate Their Common Roots with a Community Passover Seder" and all are welcome to attend even if this is your very first Seder, or even if you are a veteran at eating more matzah and haroseth during Passover than your gastro-enterologist thinks you should.

The festive meal and inspiring discussion will take place immediately after Shabbat/Sabbath services on Saturday, April 3rd in the social hall at 343 Church Lane in Brentwood (1 block west of the 405 Freeway, 2 blocks west of Sepulveda, between Sunset and Montana) starting at around 12:15 p.m. (You are also invited to be part of the passionate singing, meditations, and Torah reading at the Shabbat services which begin at 10 a.m. in the sanctuary) .

A CUSTOM-MADE HAGGADAH

Many years ago when Arlene and Sid Rosenblatt were members of Temple Beth Hillel in North Hollywood, they enjoyed the shortened and easy-to-understand Haggadah (mostly in English) put together by Rabbi James Kaufman. Then for several years, Arlene and her daughter Julie did what many modern Jews do--they cut, pasted, and photocopied some additional spiritual teachings, diverse interpretations, and inspiring questions for experiencing the Seder on deeper levels each year with their family and friends.

Now in 2010, Arlene and Sid have made copies of these accessible customized Haggadot so that each participant on April 3rd can have a meaningful connection to the ancient story and its current applications in our own lives and communities. You will discover not only the traditional order of the Seder but also some heart-opening and thought-provoking modern interpretations that will make the holiday come alive for you and your loved ones.

No one knows exactly what will happen at this year's Seder because it all depends on each one of us showing up with our questions, our concerns, and our individual holy struggles on how to find positive ways to break out of enslavements and move successfully toward genuine freedom and integrity. Quite possibly something you say to the entire group or just to one person with whom you will be "breaking matzah" will create ripples of awareness and understanding that might last for a lifetime. Please know that this is a gathering where all points of view are treated with respect and that your own particular journey is welcome and honored at this unique gathering. We hope that this Passover will be a joyous time for meeting one another in a common search for personal growth and peace among all peoples.

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For more information about Ahavat Torah Congregation, please visit the website at http://www.ahavattorahcongregation.org/.

Because of the dietary restrictions associated with Passover, you are requested to sign-up ahead of time if you are interested in bringing one of the potluck dishes. For a list of foods that will be part of the festive meal, please see the Ahavat Torah weekly newsletter. To sign-up for bringing a specific food item, or to simply RSVP that you will be a part of the celebration of Passover, contact Pattye by March 30th at 310 391-4301 or at pattyekitty@verizon.com.

WHAT IF WE COULD PREVENT DOZENS OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND HURT FEELINGS?

Every day in families, friendships, workplaces, and congregations there are words spoken which unintentionally cause pain, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings.

For example, maybe you've been on the receiving end of someone's snarkiness or their storytelling about your private life. Or maybe you've had your own moments of talking about someone behind their back. Or maybe you didn't mean any harm, but it felt kinda right to dish a little about someone who wasn't there to clarify the details.

Some might say, "Hey, it's inevitable" or "Suck it up, life is a contact sport."

But in Judaism there are some fascinating teachings and guidelines on how to prevent unintentional pain to strangers, colleagues, and loved ones as a result of our choice of words.

IS IT CENSORSHIP OR IS IT MINDFULNESS?

In the 1870's in Radin, Russia there was a passionate rabbi named Yisrael Meir Kagan who was so focused on preventing pain from misspoken words and loose lips that he wrote an anonymous book called "Chofetz Chaim" (a Hebrew phrase which means the one who desires life and this phrase comes from Psalm 34):
"Who is the one who desires life (haChofetz Chaim)
who loves each day to see the good?
Guard your tongue from evil
and your lips from deceipt."

Within a few years, 4,000 copies of this book had been distributed to various traditional communities and people began calling Rabbi Kagan "The Chofetz Chaim." He had sparked something lasting and profound with his book, which essentially consists of a long list of guidelines from the written Torah and the oral Torah about how to see the good in life and how to prevent harm from the words you choose. This list of guidelines has been used ever since, mostly by observant Jews, for three purposes:
--to prevent gossip and character insinuations that can tear apart families, friendships, workplaces, and congregations.
--to help raise the level of conversation from pettiness to compassionate mindfulness.
--to help each of us not to get swayed or shmootzed by overhearing something that might be true or untrue about someone, but that leaves out important information or conveys a false impression.

In the large congregation where I grew up in Detroit, we didn't talk very much about Chofetz Chaim or the rules of compassionate speech. Like many modern congregations, we thought we could get along just fine without any firm guidelines. But in fact there were huge tensions and painful misunderstandings which arose from gossip, loose lips, and unintentionally insinuating statements about various leaders and members of the congregation.

Fifteen years ago I was doing some research and one-on-one interviews in Los Angeles to learn more about how Jews today practice or don't practice the traditional guidelines about compassionate speech. I found that for a small percentage of Jews today, the guidelines from Chofetz Chaim are considered to be "holy rules we ought to follow." For a much larger percentage of Jews today, these guidelines are considered to be "reasonable rules we ought to follow but we rarely do." Still other Jews consider the Chofetz Chaim's guidelines to be "censorship or rigidness that often get enforced with too much of a judgmental or shame-inducing tone of voice."

The most surprising thing I found out was how much a large number of people were uncomfortable when they were criticized for saying something that someone else considered "leshon hara (hurtful speech)." Since the vast majority of American Jews today have been raised in a society where people tend to bond by sharing intimate information about themselves and others (and since most Jews alive today have never been taught exactly what the guidelines for compassionate speech are in specific situations), many decent and good people told me that they "feel blind-sided when someone says, 'Oh, you shouldn't say that' or 'Watch out, that's leshon hara (hurtful speech).'" In most American Jewish families, communities and congregations today there seems to be no clear consensus or agreement on when to share information about someone else and when to keep silent.

Or as Yul Brynner used to say in The King and I, "It's a puzzlement."


DEVELOPING SOMETHING CREATIVE AND NEW

If you stop for a moment and ask yourself, "What do I want to practice in my own friendships and daily conversations about when to share personal information about someone else and when to respect confidentiality," what comes to mind as the guidelines you would like to follow? What are the questions and concerns you tend to have in your heart about finding the healthy balance between the freedom to speak honestly and the freedom to abstain from gossip or possibly off-putting statements about someone's positive or negative traits? What are the moments when you think to yourself, "Should I say something or should I be careful not to say too much because it might turn into something else--what is the right thing to do in this particular situation?"

To address this intriguing "puzzlement" of daily living, Ahavat Torah Congregation is going to attempt something new and somewhat unusual. Rather than being vague or unclear about what is compassionate speech and what might be hurtful speech, several members of the congregation and Rabbi Miriam Hamrell have suggested that this might be an excellent time to explore and discuss these important questions. What do each of us believe is the best way to prevent hurt feelings and misunderstandings? What would each of us prefer to have as guidelines for the future?

You are invited to participate in a unique creative, interactive process which will start in early March. You don't have to be a scholarly Jew and it doesn't matter if you've never before heard the name Chofetz Chaim or the words "leshon hara (hurtful speech)". What matters is that you bring your own insights, experiences, and sensibilities to this creative exploration.

THE DETAILS

On Tuesday night March 2nd at 7:30 pm and Tuesday night March 9th at 7:30 pm our congregation will have a two-part study session and discussion at the home of Jean Katz, 10383 Rochester Avenue in Westwood (between Wilshire and Ohio, just east of Beverly Glen) entitled: THE INTRICACIES OF DECIDING WHAT TO SAY AND WHAT NOT TO SAY: A Lively Discussion of Jewish Teachings on What Is or Is Not Leshon Hara, Plus How to Give Compassionate Feedback and How to Prevent Painful Misunderstandings (in Friendships, in Families, in Public, and in Private)

Of course you have a busy schedule and it's often overpacked. Or you might prefer to relax and watch your favorite television show that evening. But what if the conversation about compassionate speech truly needs your particular point of view and your unique insights? What if your own friendships and our congregation could be enhanced by the ideas and experiences you bring to this important issue? What if something you discover on one or both of those evenings could prevent you from losing a friend or hurting someone unintentionally?

PART ONE: THE ALL-ARE-INVITED STUDY SESSIONS

What you might find surprising and useful on Tuesday night March 2nd and Tuesday night March 9th is that there are some wonderful Jewish writings and ideas that can help us, our children, our grandchildren, our friends, and our colleagues to walk more gracefully through the mine-fields of human conversation. Both of these early March study and discussion sessions will combine traditional teachings, modern interpretations, and openness to the ideas of the people in the room.

With humor and helpful examples on both evenings, you will have a chance to go deeper into:

--How to understand the breakthrough insights and the practical advice of the Chofetz Chaim on how to prevent hurtful misunderstandings.
--How the Mussar (character refinement) movement in Judaism has helped clarify a gentler and less shaming way of giving feedback to someone who is saying things that make you uncomfortable.
--How a woman rabbi in the 21st century (Rabbi Margaret Moers Wenig, the Instructor of Liturgy and Homiletics at Hebrew Union College) has designed a more modern, less-shaming, and somewhat gentler way of applying the Chofetz Chaim's teachings to 21st century Jews who live in diverse American cities.
--How do each of us want to design our own version of these Jewish teachings on mindful speech and choosing our words more compassionately.

I will be facilitating the two study and discussion sessions with the intention of making sure that all diverse points of view are heard and respected. Please feel free to bring your questions, your concerns, your ideas for how you prefer these issues to be handled, and your willingness to learn how we can each be a blessing in all our interactions.

EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT QUITE SURE OF THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LESHON HARA AND A LUCSHEN KUGEL, YOUR INSIGHTS, QUESTIONS, AND SUGGESTIONS REGARDING HOW TO HAVE HARM-FREE CONVERSATIONS ARE NEEDED AND WELCOMED. Please mark in your calendar to be at Jean Katz's house on Tuesday March 2nd and Tuesday March 9th at 7:30 pm both evenings.

PART TWO: THE FOLLOW-UP STEPS

After these two March 2010 study and discussion sessions, we will hopefully take this creative conversation about compassionate speech to a second level of insight and brainstorming. There will be an email sent out in April 2010 to ask every member of Ahavat Torah Congregation to offer their ideas, favorite quotes, and preferred suggestions on how to have mindful and harm-preventing conversations (with family members, friends, colleagues, and congregants).

Then in June 2010 we will compile these ideas, suggestions, warnings, concerns, and quotes into a booklet that will be more like the Talmud (with opposing and diverse views presented together on the same page creating much food-for-thought) rather than a one-size-fits-all rule book.

This booklet of 20-60 pages will be the first grass-roots, congregation-generated, "bipartisan" guidebook on compassionate speech. Each person who participates by emailing or calling in a comment can either put their own name next to their suggestions and ideas, or they can have anonymity.

Our hope is to raise our own level of understanding and discussion of these delicate issues and at the same time to create an easy-to-read booklet that might be useful for our children, grandchildren, friends, colleagues and other Jewish communities and congregations.

Please make sure you are there on March 2nd and March 9th so that this creative process will from the start have your good ideas and your specific inputs.

IN ORDER TO KNOW THE NUMBER OF CHAIRS AND REFRESHMENTS TO HAVE READY, PLEASE R.S.V.P. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO 310 815-1611 or lcfelder@yahoo.com.

Thank you ahead of time for bringing your wisdom and your insights to this important project. May it be a good thing for our congregation and for each of us in our daily lives.

DISCOVERING WHAT PEACEFULNESS FEELS LIKE

Have you heard the joke about the holy meditation teacher who is visiting midtown Manhattan for the first time and gets asked abruptly by an impatient street vendor selling roasted chestnuts, hot dogs, soft pretzels, and other quick foods.

The vendor slices open an empty bun and calls out, "Hey, you! Next! Hurry up. What d'ya want?"

The experienced meditation teacher breathes in and out calmly and says mindfully, "What do I want? Make me one with everything."

Is that something you have ever experienced: to be one with everything? Have you ever found a way to go beyond the anxious mind and become connected to the infinite or the unity of all that exists?

THE VARIETIES OF JEWISH MEDITATION

Most people don't know that Judaism has a long tradition of meditation and various methods for transcending the noise and stress of daily life. Even in the Torah, there are descriptions of moments of "Hitbodedut" (which has been translated by various writers as "oneness with HaShem," "isolating oneself," "aloneness with the Divine Presence," or "sitting with God.")

In the Hasidic tradition, Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav (the great grandson of the Baal Shem Tov who founded the Hasidic movement) and many others have described the health and wellness aspects of moments of quiet meditation. Reb Nachman described it as "the centerpiece of the way to God" and "the way to reach your highest level."

During the past 30 years, Jewish meditation has begun to grow and flourish as a daily practice in many parts of the Jewish community. Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan, an acclaimed physicist, rabbi and meditation teacher, wrote his classic book JEWISH MEDITATION in 1982. In the 1990's, Rabbi Nan Fink Geffen of Berkeley, California wrote her guidebook DISCOVERING JEWISH MEDITATION. In 2009, Rabbi Jeff Roth of the Elat Chayyim retreat center on the east coast, wrote another useful guide entitled JEWISH MEDITATION PRACTICES FOR EVERYDAY LIFE.

A GROWING INTEREST LOCALLY

At Ahavat Torah Congregation in Brentwood (near the 405 Freeway between Sunset Blvd. and Montana Avenue), meditation classes and discussion groups have become an activity of growing interest in the past few years. During 2009 there was a much enjoyed class on Jewish meditation taught by Rinat Amir, who has many years of experience teaching and practicing contemplative Jewish meditation techniques. During the mid-afternoon portion of Yom Kippur day services in the Fall of 2009, Rabbi Malka Mittelman led a gathering of "Jewish Yoga" that combined soulful Hebrew music and chanting with relaxing postures and a chance to connect deeply with the extraordinary spiritual energies of the holiest day of the year.

AN OPPORTUNITY TO MEDITATE

On Tuesday February 9th, 2010 and Tuesday February 16, 2010 there will be a two-part experiential class in how to meditate, taught by Jane Best. Jane has been meditating for 30 years and she joined Ahavat Torah during the 2008-2009 year.

I asked her what the class will be like and she explained, "I intend to keep it simple. It's open to everyone; for anyone who has never meditated and for anyone who has meditated and wants to go deeper into the experience of oneness. The group support can be very helpful for deeper meditation. The class will also be about integrating this experience in our daily lives."

In a relaxed environment the class will practice different meditation techniques as well as address:
--how to prepare ourselves for meditation.
--how to discover what style works best for each of us personally.
--how to welcome and embrace the divine experience.


If you are curious, or even if you are skeptical, you are welcome to join this class. Please plan to attend both sessions as it will support the momentum and depth of the group. Please wear comfortable clothes.

The class begins at 7:30 on both evenings, Tuesday February 9th and Tuesday February 16th. The location will be announced in the Ahavat Torah newsletter.

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For more information about Ahavat Torah Congregation, visit http://www.ahavattorahcongregation.org/ or explore the weblog articles at http://www.creatingsacredcommunity.blogspot.com/.

New Year's Resolutions and Mussar Class

As we approach the turning point of January 1st, 2010, many Jews are in the habit of making New Year's resolutions or vows to improve something that needs a bit of improvement.

This year it might be a resolution to spend more time with cherished friends, family members, and loved ones. Or a vow to follow through on your health and fitness goals. Or a quest to finish a creative project that got sidetracked several times. Or a promise to be less judgmental, or more patient and caring with certain challenging individuals who test you every so often. Or a profound wish to live up to your highest ideals.

Sometimes it's a vow or resolution that we made already at the Jewish High Holydays in September. Sometimes it's a new resolution for 2010 or a fine-tuning of an earlier vow.

THE DILEMMA

But since vows easily get broken and human beings are said to be 90% likely to fail at their New Year's resolutions, is there anything you can do this year to not just talk the talk, but somehow to follow through and improve things in actuality? Is there some setting where individuals can clarify how to live up to your highest ideals and how to stay true to your deepest values more consistently?

One possibility is the Mussar class that Rabbi Miriam Hamrell leads each Saturday morning before services at Ahavat Torah Congregation in Brentwood. Mussar is the not-widely-known Jewish tradition of individual character refinement and integrity-seeking that was outlined by Rabbi Yisrael Lipkin Salanter in the 19th century and that has been reemerging in recent years in many liberal and progressive congregations worldwide. It seems the more frantic and overloaded our lives become in the 21st century, the more we can benefit from a discussion group that clarifies how to live each day closer to our deepest values of compassion and goodness.

Popularized in the past few years by several acclaimed books on Mussar (including Alan Morinis' "Everyday Holiness"), Mussar discussion groups are designed to help busy individuals apply the ethics and personal growth insights from the written Torah, the oral Torah, and a variety of great teachers to dilemmas we face in our daily lives and complicated interactions with loved ones and strangers.

A NON-JUDGMENTAL SETTING

At Ahavat Torah, Rabbi Miriam started this particular Mussar class in the Fall of 2006 as an "all-are-welcome," "work-on-yourself-and-don't-judge-others" study and discussion group that meets from 9:00 a.m. until 10:00 a.m. each Saturday morning in the Fireside Room of the synagogue prior to Shabbat services.

Each week the size of the discussion group varies from 15 early risers to 30-40 lively souls on certain weeks. Some men and women show up consistently, while others come and go and return when they are able. Yet for each person there are several common threads, including:

--A chance to study in depth some highly-regarded Jewish texts on ethics and daily dilemmas that most of us face at home, at work, or in our friendships.

--A chance to learn from the struggles and insights of others who share their spiritual journeys, their questions, and their personal breakthroughs with honesty and humility.

--A chance to learn from Rabbi Miriam how she uses these profound Jewish teachings in her own daily life and holy struggles.

--A chance to ask questions and resolve the concerns you've always wrestled with about the connection between Jewish spiritual teachings and everyday integrity issues.

CONSTANTLY EVOLVING

The Mussar discussion group at Ahavat Torah votes every few months on what text to study next. So far, the weekly discussions have been sparked by studying in depth the following books:

--The first year was a study of Mussar steps and insights as described by Daniel Feldman in his book "The Right and the Good: Halakhah and Human Relations."

--Then the class spent several months exploring in detail each of the insights and challenges offered in Chapter Three of Pirke Avot (the Sayings of Our Ancestors).

--Next the class began to read and discuss one of the key books that inspired Rabbi Salanter to develop the Mussar system. It was called "Mesillas Yesharim: Lights Along the Way" by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto.

--Then the class did another brainstorming session and voted to read and discuss each of the insights and teachings in Chapter One of Pirke Avot, only this time to utilize every so often a version of Pirke Avot that includes the insights on each verse as described in Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, and other traditions.

--Pretty soon the Mussar class will be brainstorming again on what to study next for going deeper into the connection between Jewish ethics, character refinement, and daily life.


A NEW YEAR'S INVITATION

Please don't feel you have to be a super Jew or a longtime scholar to enter the class and put in your questions and insights. Each week there are visitors and new members who offer wonderful ideas and raise excellent concerns even if they have never before been part of a Jewish study group or a Mussar discussion group.

What matters is that every individual in the Saturday morning Mussar class shows up ready to learn from each person's unique and different life experiences. Each week you will be surprised at how a passage from a Jewish text or a comment from someone you barely know can help shed new light on a dilemma you've been facing in your private life or your spiritual journey. Quite often the Mussar class becomes a safe place not only to grow deeper in your Judaism but also in your quest to live up to your highest values.

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The Mussar class with Rabbi Miriam Hamrell meets at 343 Church Lane in Brentwood from 9am until 10am, immediately prior to Shabbat services.
There are no pre-requisites, but mutual respect and confidentiality are mandatory.

For more information about Ahavat Torah or the several other classes and discussion groups that meet regularly, please visit http://www.ahavattorahcongregation.org/.

Ten Reasons to Celebrate Hanukkah THIS YEAR

NUMBER 10: You have been so careful all year about eating healthy--and now your body deserves to enjoy an exquisite crispy latke with sour cream and apple sauce.

NUMBER 9: The non-stop caroling music in the malls started this year in late October and there have been over 10,000 ads on television about "Black Friday." Would it kill you to have a little bit of Jewish joy this December?

NUMBER 8: A Hanukkah party is one of those rare moments when the grown-ups feel like kids while the children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and neighbor kids feel they are a part of living history.

NUMBER 7: This year there has been so much sadness in the world at large and in many of our families. Maybe we do need to light a candle and feel connected with community more than ever.

NUMBER 6: There is an "Antiochus Wanna-Be" in Tehran who thinks it's possible to wipe out the Jews. When you light candles, spin dreydels, dance with joy, and join together as one people this December you are saying to him, "No way. Not this time."

NUMBER 5: This year we enjoy the fact that at Ahavat Torah Congregation in Brentwood there is remarkable cooperation and warmth between the lively Jews who use the Gem in the Glen on Saturdays, the lively Lutherans who gather on Sundays, and the lively Muslims who worship on Fridays. This year we celebrate the fact that our Rabbi Miriam Hamrell has been asked to tell our story (of 3 faiths getting along well) at the Parliament of World Religions during the first week of December. Nes Gadol Hayah Po, Miracles are Happening HERE!!!

NUMBER 4: Most kids, teens, and young adults know this year that in the United States of America they celebrate Jewish holidays now in the White House. Michelle Obama's cousin is a rabbi who joined with Rahm Emanuel, Sasha, Malia, their dad the leader of the free world, and a diverse group of Jews and non-Jews for a passionate Seder in April 2009. This year in December 2009 they might also be having dreydels, latkes, sufganiyot, and a menorah at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

NUMBER 3: When we celebrate Hanukkah and joyfully stand up for religious freedom, we honor the memory of every man and woman who has risked their lives to declare, "I am a Jew." We dance and sing this year for Hannah Senesch and Danny Pearl and Rabbi Akiva and our 6 million family members and every Israeli soldier who has ever risked his or her life for our people.

NUMBER 2: You've already watched Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life" more times than you have fingers. This year is an opportunity to turn off the TV and come celebrate the freedom and creativity that is yours.

NUMBER 1: The miracle of Hanukkah is not just the oil that burned for 8 days. It's that the inner light of an Infinite Source of Love is still strong in our hearts, in our families, and in our inspiring community.

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Please bring some light and joy into this season. You and your friends and loved ones are invited to come celebrate the Festival of Lights with Ahavat Torah Congregation at our annual Hanukkah party, Tuesday night, December 15th at 6:30 pm. All are welcome!

The live music, dancing, festive foods, children's craft table, and amazing desserts will happen at 343 Church Lane (between Sunset Blvd. and Montana Avenue, one block west of the 405 Freeway).

Bring your own Hanukkah menorah and candles to add to the light and celebration. Also bring a book or CD to share.

Children under 10 can celebrate for free, Adults and Teens are asked to contribute $10.

To RSVP or if you have questions, please contact Blanche Moss at 310 271-4042 or moimoss@aol.com.

WILL WE STAND IDLY BY?

Why do good people stay on the sidelines even when some horrific situation grabs their attention?
It's a question many people asked during and after the Holocaust. Then in 1964 in the Kew Gardens section of Queens, New York, a woman named Kitty Genovese was attacked repeatedly and murdered while 38 neighbors did nothing.

During the next few decades, many psychologists (who said they were moved by the Holocaust and the Kitty Genovese murder) created research studies to understand why good people stand idly by. They discovered that most good people tend to stay on the sidelines if:
--they thought someone else was going to take care of the situation for them.
--they felt powerless to do anything that might make a difference.
--they refused to let themselves feel distressed enough to truly care and take action.

A JEWISH CALL TO ACTION

Like most American Jews, I've read newspaper reports during the past 20 years about genocides and "ethnic cleansing" in various parts of the world. Because I am the child of a Holocaust survivor, I want to believe that the passionate words "Never Again" apply not just to Jewish survival but to preventing or stopping genocides for any group that is being targeted by a vicious attacker.

But I will be honest. Besides writing a few small checks and attending a few cerebral conferences, I didn't do very much about these horrific atrocities. I assumed that someone else was probably in a better position to take care of these situations than I was. In addition, I felt somewhat powerless and skeptical about doing anything effective that might make an impact.

Then a few years ago I picked up my son Steven from Sunday School and saw that on this particular Sunday there were a few volunteers from a group called Jewish World Watch who had taught my son and many other kids how to do a very practical thing:
--to make decorated pot-holders and back-packs that were going to be sent to the Darfur region of Sudan to be used with free solar cookers so that women in the war-torn region could take care of their families without having to walk several miles for firewood and most likely get raped by marauding groups of government-backed militias.

I found out from one of the Jewish World Watch volunteers that these women in Darfur had a horrible choice to make--a lot like Sophie's Choice. If they sent their husband or brother to leave their camps to get firewood for cooking, the men would be killed by the violent militias who were targeting their ethnic group for extinction. If the women decided not to risk the life of their husband or brother, but chose to go on their own or with a sister or daughter to get firewood, then they would likely be raped and possibly murdered by the militias who were trying to intimidate and destroy their people. If they did nothing, they would starve.

I began to wonder, "Who are these individuals at Jewish World Watch? How do they decide which genocide situations in the world can be stopped? How did they get so creative that they came up with a very do-able way to save the lives and prevent the rape of tens of thousands of African women? Besides providing tens of thousands of solar cookers, what other leverage are they able to exert? Could a Jewish organization located in Southern California truly be effective in saving hundreds of thousands of lives in a land not far from Israel?"

THE ADVANTAGE OF BEING SMALL, NIMBLE, AND FLEXIBLE

On Saturday morning, November 21st at Ahavat Torah Congregation (located between Westwood and Brentwood near Montana Avenue and the 405 Freeway), Naama Haviv of Jewish World Watch will be describing the next action steps her organization has come up with to respond effectively and creatively to the most horrific genocides currently taking place in the Darfur region of Sudan, in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and in other heart-wrenching areas of the world.

I interviewed Naama recently at her small office in Encino (which is the size of a middle-class living room and has a staff of five professionals who can hear each other's phone conversations constantly) to find out how Jewish World Watch is able to mobilize tens of thousands of Jews (mostly from Southern California) to take effective steps for using leverage and creative approaches for stopping genocides, rapes, mass murders, and ethnic intimidation tactics. Frankly, I have never before experienced an organization that does so much good without a lot of overhead or wasteful spending.

According to Naama, who is the mother a four month old child and is a brilliant scholar/activist trained at the Genocide and Holocaust Studies Program at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts, "When Rabbi Harold Schulweis started Jewish World Watch in 2004, he wanted to make sure that our experience and values as Jews could be utilized to save lives in a major way. Our director Janice Kamenir-Reznick has a law, business, and hands-on activism background which helps her to frequently come up with practical ideas like the solar cooker project in Sudan to get immediate and crucial help to people who are in desperate situations. Since our organization has such a small, nimble, and flexible staff of five people, but we also have the ability to mobilize huge numbers of passionate volunteers, fundraisers, and team-builders at more than 60 local congregations, we are able to try out new ideas and innovative approaches that larger organizations with big national offices can't do."

One of the reasons Jewish World Watch has been so effective in such a short amount of time to save lives and influence legislation and media attention is because they know how to work with already existing temples, social action committees, activist groups, and numerous allies. Naama explains, "We didn't try to build a big organization, but instead we found ways to mobilize and empower numerous congregations who felt the urgency of what we are addressing but they became far more effective when they combined their talents and passion through carefully-designed projects that can help save lives and influence public opinion immediately. For instance, even though Ahavat Torah Congregation is not a large temple, it has been extremely active and helpful far beyond what anyone could have anticipated. As a result of the many people who contribute to our programs and show up for our activism events, we have been able to influence important legislation, develop three medical clinics and maternity wards in Darfur, purchase and build numerous wells to provide life-saving drinking water to hundreds of thousands of refugees, and significantly reduce the number of rapes and murders in war-torn areas."

"IT'S A VERY PERSONAL DECISION"

Vivian Gold is a psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles and an Associate Clinical Professor at the UCLA Medical School. Active on the social action committee of Ahavat Torah Congregation, Vivian became interested in doing more for Jewish World Watch because, "When I heard that 5 1/2 million people have been killed in recent years in the Congo, that number was so close to the 6 million that we all remember so strongly. It was like a bell went off in my head that said, 'Wake up. This is happening right now and we need to do a lot more to stop it.'"

Vivian adds, "Then when I learned how frequently rape is being used as a weapon to terrorize women and humiliate men in these countries, I knew as a woman that this is a very personal issue. We are probably the first generation in history to stand up for the fact that rape is no longer permissible as 'the spoils of war' or 'business as usual during war-time.' And then when I heard that the genocide in the Congo is related to militias trying to displace people from mineral-rich lands so that these war-lords can make millions of dollars selling the raw minerals that are used in cell phones and computers sold in affluent countries, I knew I couldn't just stay uninvolved."

THE CELL PHONE CONNECTION

At the November 21st presentation and discussion, Naama Haviv will explore recent discoveries about the horrible violence in the Democratic Republic of the Congo and the efforts of Jewish World Watch to get cell phone manufacturers and distributors to start tracing what mines were tapped for their cell phone materials, especially the tin, tungsten, and tantalum that are sold illegally to some of the major companies that make many of our cell phones and electronics components.

According to Naama, "Jewish World Watch is taking a leadership position right now to get the United States Congress to pass legislation requiring cell phone makers to trace and identify whether their phones are profiting the vicious militias in the Congo who are raping women in large numbers and chopping up bodies to intimidate people to vacate certain areas where the minerals are being mined illegally."

She explains, "Just like blood diamonds are no longer permissible and there is a careful certification process in place for any diamond ring you buy today, so will we be able soon to trace the exact mine origins of the minerals in each cell phone we buy. But for now we need to work quickly with our congressional representatives and our cell phone executives to correct a horrific situation where many of us are financially aiding some of the most awful atrocities in the Congo that we've ever witnessed in human history."

WHO SHOULD ATTEND?

If you are someone who owns a cell phone, or if you are a Jewish man or woman who is tired of feeling powerless and sidelined about situations in the world that are much too similar to the Holocaust, or if you are simply someone with a compassionate heart, you will probably feel inspired and empowered by meeting and hearing Naama Haviv on November 21st. Born in Israel, she grew up in Illinois, Massachusetts, and California before devoting her studies and her career to the prevention and halting of genocides.

The schedule for that Saturday morning will include:
--Mussar class at 9 a.m. with Rabbi Miriam Hamrell (on how to bring Jewish teachings about living with integrity to everyday situations).
--Lively Shabbat Services from 10 a.m. until 12:20 p.m.
--A friendly and welcoming pot-luck dairy lunch from 12:20 p.m. until 1 p.m.
--Naama Haviv discussing new visions and action steps from Jewish World Watch from 1 p.m. until 2:15 p.m.

Ahavat Torah Congregation meets at 343 Church Lane in Brentwood, 1 block north of Montana Avenue and 6 blocks south of Sunset Blvd., 1 block west of Sepulveda and the 405 Freeway. For more information call 310 362-1111 or log onto http://www.ahavattorahcongregation.org/. Everyone is welcome to be a part of this important event.