In recent years, several sociologists have studied what makes people feel welcomed into a congregation and what makes them feel like a stranger or an outsider. If you ever have been relatively new to a synagogue, you probably know the feeling. You can say "Shabbat Shalom" or "L'shanah tovah" to several men and women you barely know year after year, but you still might be feeling like you don't quite belong there...until something deeper happens that makes you feel connected intimately and personally with one or more members of the congregation.
What exactly can change the feeling of being a stranger and turn it into the feeling of being appreciated, cared about deeply, and included consistently?
ONE SUCCESSFUL WAY TO BECOME LESS ISOLATED
At Ahavat Torah Congregation in Brentwood, there are numerous ways that this not-very-large but extremely-warm-and-welcoming group of people break down the barriers and make it possible for intimacy and connection to occur. One of the most enjoyable and successful methods for creating warmth and a feeling of closeness is occuring on Friday night, June 10th. Several members of the congregation will volunteer to host a variety of small but lively Shabbat dinners at their homes. Numerous members and non-members will be signing up and joining them as welcomed guests to enjoy the candles, the food, the conversations, and the intimacy of an at-home Shabbat gathering.
But how does it work? How in a large spread-out city like Los Angeles and in a medium-sized congregation like Ahavat Torah can the feeling of isolation and distance get transformed into a beautiful and memorable feeling of enjoying Shabbat with 6 or 10 or 14 people in a warm and welcoming home-cooked setting?
THE EXQUISITE LOGISTICS
The idea of creating at-home Shabbat dinners for members and non-members to enjoy in small groups began soon after Ahavat Torah formed 8 years ago. Arlene Rosenblatt started the tradition and she recalls, "It just seemed to be consistent with who we are. That we want to be able to get to know each other better and care about one another in a more personal way than you find at many larger temples." Arlene also wanted to make sure that the gatherings help people get to know men, women and families who live not too far from one another so that friendships and closeness could naturally develop.
Then for several years, Judy Weintraub helped to organize these Shabbat circles of warmth and celebration at various homes. Two or three times a year she would put out the word that several people were opening up their homes for honored guests to join them for a Shabbat gathering. Then during the candles, the songs, the conversations, and the sense of holiness, some friendships would begin or deepen, and many of the feelings of distance or isolation would dissolve away for those who were relatively new to the congregation or who had not yet found the chance to connect intimately with other participants from the congregation.
Now for the past year, Janice Batzdorff has volunteered to coordinate the logistics for these magical evenings in private homes. It's a two step process for which you are invited to contact Janice as soon as possible at (818) 506-4181 or RJBatz@aol.com.
The first step is that she will be compiling a list of people who want to host a gathering at their home on Friday night, June 10th. All you need to do is decide how many people you are comfortable having at your table (anywhere from 4 to 12 guests seems to be the norm), what kind of foods you would like people to bring, and then tell Janice you are saying yes to being a host or hostess. According to Janice, "It is completely up to the host as to what part of the potluck meal the guests bring. Some hosts send out an email that describes what is needed and they ask invitees to respond to the whole group in order to avoid duplication and to minimize the amount of 'organizing' the host does."
The second step (which happens simultaneously in the next several days) is that Janice is compiling a list of people who want to attend a small and intimate Shabbat dinner at someone's home on Friday night, June 10th. All you need to do is imagine yourself surrounded by warm and non-judgmental people who are interested in getting to know you better and having the chance to share good food, conversation, and songs with you. Then tell Janice you are saying yes to being a guest (and if you will need a ride or if you can offer someone else a ride).
At a precise moment of cosmic convergence, Janice will then match guests and hosts (somewhat by geography but with lots of possibilities for creative flexibility). She will then notify the hosts and give them a list of guests to contact. Either by phone or email, the hosts discuss with their guests what foods to bring and any other details about the Shabbat gathering they will be hosting.
MEMORIES AND NEW EXPERIENCES
Many members of Ahavat Torah Congregation can recall the wonderful feeling of being at the Shabbat dinners hosted by Gene, Marvin, and Kimball Marsh for many years at their home in the Fairfax district. At these warm and thought-provoking gatherings, the food, the songs, the conversations, and the sense of extended family created soulful memories that numerous congregants will never forget.
When I asked Janice Batzdorff what made her so interested in being the go-to person for these Shabbat gatherings, she told me, "When I was new at Ahavat Torah, I was assigned to Kimball's parents' home. I met people there who weren't going to services because of health reasons, and it was a treat to get to know them better. At a dinner I later hosted I also met the spouse of someone who regularly attends services, but whose spouse attends elsewhere. Again it was a blessing to get to know someone better in a less formal context. I also like the fact that since an attempt is made to assign people to a Shabbat gathering near their own home, it's a way to meet members who live nearby. These gatherings are more leisurely than other congregational events, so there's a chance to relax and truly enjoy Shabbat together."
THE SOONER THE BETTER
Please contact Janice as soon as possible to let her know if you would like to host, or to let her know that you would like to be invited to one of the hosts' homes on Friday night, June 10th. Don't wait too long because quite often the various Shabbat tables fill up quickly. In addition, it also makes the coordinator's job and the hosts' job much easier when people reply quickly and they can plan the food and other details with plenty of time to spare before June 10th.
Most of all, I hope you have a joyous and memorable Shabbat experience on Friday night, June 10th and that it becomes the beginning (or the deepening) of some nourishing friendships.
